Nothing, really

I just got Live Writer again and this would be my first post using it since, gosh, I don’t even remember when. I feel great though. I missed it!

I’ve been busy building my website lately. It’s nothing big. Just a personal site. Something decent enough to, you know, show other people for business purposes or whatever. I’m just using a free web hosting service but it’s really nice. I like that it’s flash based and it’s really good for building portfolio.

I can’t wait to show it to the world.

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You Bloodsucker You

I just caught a bloodsucker attempting yet again to get a piece of me. Curiously, I didn’t smash it like what I would’ve usually done. Instead I got a dollop of insect repellent lotion and put it on top like cherry on ice cream. I watched with satisfaction as it desperately tried to get away only to fail. Moving so slowly, then frantically, then slow again… It was so alive and yet so…dead. I could practically hear it beg. Then I got my atomizer and spritzed it with cologne. Not too much to drown it, not too little to have no effect. Just perfectly right to make it regret and hate itself for picking me. I didn’t kill it. But I’m sure it wished I did.

Then, it reminded me of you.

I smashed it.

Aha! Or not.

I just had the greatest aha! moment of my life.

No, not really.

But I was just thinking—or staring blankly into space waiting for the next random thought to zap in was more like it—and bam! It hit me. That I could actually be right in the middle of a very significant milestone in my life and I may not even be aware of it. That I might in fact be at that point of (finally!) getting past mental adolescence and moving on to becoming a real mature person and I do not even realize it. Wow. Maturity. Something that I had least anticipated to happen to me at this point and time. Or even at all.

Lately, I’ve been doing some gardening. Yes, like digging dirt, sowing seeds, weeding, watering, harvesting and getting my hands dirty—literally. Like Farm Town, only real.

So what does this have to do with maturity?

See, this is just so NOT in my character! I’m growing plants for godssake. Plants! Do you know what they are and what it means? Plants are not lifeless objects. They have needs, they breathe, they grow and they can DIE. And this only means that at last now I am capable of taking care of something other than myself, and I am actually responsible for another living thing! There are lives at the mercy of my hands now. See? I’m practically god.

It’s amazing, really. Because I was never the person who stays in one place long enough to even witness the life cycle of a fly. Or even if I did, I was never really the nurturing type, which is why I’ve always known pets are not for me. While all my friends were all going gaga over their cats and dogs, all I could think of was their poop (the pets’, not my friends’, silly!) and how tiring and disgusting it must be to always be tidying up their mess.

You know what, I just had another aha! moment. This just might even be the first successful relationship I’ve been in to. EVER. And it’s with… a plant. Great. Oh well, at least it’s something alive. Also it doesn’t talk back or call me names, always returns the favor, we complement each other,—by exchanging gases, that is. Now you can’t really do that with a human partner, can you? No.—and most important of all it’s here to stay. Unless I accidentally (or intentionally) kill it and it dies, of course. Now you see how it is actually THE perfect relationship.

I used to say that even a cactus would die in my care. Well, what do you know, apparently I underestimated myself because now I have a plot (about sixty stems) of ready-to-harvest lemon basil which —wait for this—I grew from scratch! I know, right? Thank you, thank you. I’ve actually already harvested some and I made fresh pesto out of it and it was sooo good!

I also have mint, coriander and thyme in the garden. I’ve just started a batch of baby lettuce and next in the germination box is celery.

OKAY, enough crop talk. Pun not intended.

So just because I’m getting my hands (and nails and feet!) dirty, and because I am harvesting my own crops, am I now claiming myself as matured?

No, not really.
Or at least not entirely. But hey, this is a really promising start.

Care for some pesto pasta?

A simple life

October 2005

When I was little I never dreamt big. All I wanted was something so simple, it didn’t need wishing wells and magic spells. It was a dream that I’d never told anyone.  Even my mother never knew about it. I never shared it to my friends because I knew they would never understand. I’d only end up being laughed at and teased. It was a dream that I wasn’t very proud of because it wasn’t like what most people wish for.  So when asked what I wanted to have when I grew up, I had to make up other dreams. I told “better” ones. I talked about big houses, cars, fancy dresses and money. I told them dreams other children had. But I knew those were not what I really wanted.

During “show-off” times, my playmates would always envy me for having to think of the “better” dream, or for coming up with the “cooler” ambition. Then they would try to beat me by talking about the most ridiculous things that no amount of coins tossed in a thousand wishing wells and all the powers of fairy godmothers and tooth fairies combined could ever put to reality. Try building a gold castle and filling it with candy–on the moon.

At the end of each day, after we decide who had the coolest ideas and ambitions, (which would almost always turn out to be me) my young playmates would leave jealous and frustrated. And I would be left alone to think of my other, real, secret dream.

Instead of a castle or a mansion of concrete and marble, all I really wanted was a small nipa hut. Outside, I imagine not a multitude of cars but plenty of trees, fruits, vegetables and flowers. Instead of filling my house with fancy food, candy and toys, I prefer it bare and unadorned. Maybe just a bed to lie on, and a set of table and chairs for four. I would imagine myself eating fried galunggong and tomatoes instead of lechon. Instead of a pool, I wanted a river, where I could swim, fish and sail my paper boats in. I never appreciated beaded gowns and dresses. Just loose, comfortable clothes. I even remember telling myself I’m not going to wear undergarments when I grow up.  I hated wearing underwear. Always made me wonder why wear something nobody sees anyway.

In my dream little nipa hut, I pictured myself living alone, very happy and content. I guess I still didn’t know you were supposed to share your house with someone when you’re older. Or at least have the option to do so. Or maybe I’m just really selfish even as a kid.

Thirteen years later, nothing much has changed. I still dream. Most of the time, in fact. I still dream of my little nipa hut. I still like eating fried galunggong and tomatoes. I still don’t like wearing underwear and I still choose cotton shirts and jeans over beaded dresses. I am still inspired by my little brown imaginary house. I’m starting to think about sharing it with someone now, though. Maybe a son, or a daughter. Maybe a husband. (But not necessarily both at the same time.) Perhaps even just a good friend will do. I still want a garden nearby my house. I still want to swim and fish in the river.

Until now, I’m still the girl who dreamt of simple things. The girl with weird dreams as a six-year–old and even as – (if I could call myself) a grown-up. Nothing much has changed. The years haven’t changed what I want.

Sometimes it just feels good to remember simple things from childhood and realize you’ve never really lost them. Just like now. It feels like as if my young friends have just left after one of those “show-off”  times. I could almost hear their tiny complaining voices and the smell of my sweat-drenched ragged shirt.

And once, again, I am left alone. Very much just like the old times. Only this time, I’m not making it up for anyone. This is no longer one of those “show-off” times. This,  is just what I want —a simple life.

photo: http://www.stuartxchange.org

Fried Ice Cream

Here I go again. Restless. Helpless.

A walking contradiction of myself.

Calm and composed on the outside, freaking out like hell inside–but only for the time being. A fraction of a second later I’d be all hyped-up as if I could bring the world down with one hand, while in fact deep down inside, I’d be holding everything together with faith not any stronger than a piece of clear adhesive tape.

Sometimes, I feel that in the midst of my struggle not to be against the binding norms of everyday existence, I just have to be on the opposite side of the battle I’m trying to win.

How ironic. It’s like for me to live this life the way everybody else does, I have to gather my strength in being different.

What destroys me, nourishes me.

I guess I would always be the other way around of things.

And I’d always be the one of a kind that comes in twos.

Boulder from nowhere

While all of the outside world sees me as the cold, unmoving rock needless of anything but itself to survive this ruthless world, I sit alone in a dark corner blaming me for bringing it to myself.  And yet I remain so vain and proud, that I could not even bring myself to admit it aloud even in loneliness.

My ego. My pet ego. She has become so big a monster that sometimes I lose control over things and She just takes over. She needs it. And I need her. Without her I would  be just another weakling. And I would hate to be a weakling again. Weaklings get crushed. Weaklings lose. Weaklings die before everybody else. If I would be one, I should at least try to trick them all with a strong facade. Who knows, I just might get away with it and win. But then again, weaklings don’t win. They never do.

Slowly now it’s all crashing down on me.

I have become a slave of my own trade. A prisoner of my own chosen freedom, which ironically, was something I have worked so hard for.

And now I have nowhere to go.

I sit alone in a dark corner blaming me for bringing it to myself but I would still be so vain and proud that I could not even bring myself to say it out loud even in loneliness.

I Never Liked the Rain

Rainy days remind me of worm eggs that float after the centrifugation of a fecal sample. When it rains, puddles of water are formed. And when puddles of water join together, it floods. And the world, which literally is full of fecal material, becomes one giant test tube in a centrifuge. And it’s just disgusting.

Rain makes mud. And I remember the day I had to literally run away from home because my father hated me so much, he nearly clobbered me with the hammer. As  I ran under the rain, I stepped on a mud hole, soaking my furry little foam slippers. Every step I made from there, it made a funny squishing sound. No, it wasn’t funny.

The noise rain makes as it falls on the roof. It’s always the same as it did on those Friday nights I spent making love to someone I never really learned to love, in a real dingy apartment that smelled of burnt weed and molds. No, it was not love.

Rain reminds me of  the one person I only ever truly shared myself with, and yes, perhaps loved. It was one of the happiest times of my life. Hours and hours of just talking and laughing and just being crazy. And walking  in the rain. We were soaked, we were cold, we had mud on our feet, but we never cared. We were happy.

I never really liked the rain. It reminds me of things I’d rather not remember, and things I’d never have again.

Now, who’s fooling who?

Sometimes…no, it’s not just sometimes. Often it’s hard to tell what a man’s real intentions are. Or is it?

No. You always know what their intentions are. Who are you kidding?

And yet you allow them to linger still, pretending you know nothing. Pretending you have no doubts about their sincerity. Letting them play their little love games.

You turn a blind eye to what’s obvious. You brush aside your woman instinct.

All because that would be much easier than admitting to yourself that you are not special after all, or at least not as special as you’d like people to think you are. And that you, with all your undue vanity, are in fact, to them insignificant–nothing but a superficial solution to their momentary problem.

Because it’s easier to be played by a jerk and hate him than to tell the world ‘I actually deserve it’ and hate yourself.

Because it’s convenient to blame it all on their schemes, claiming yourself as the casualty. When in fact, it’s all just you. It’s all just you.

You let things happen. You let yourself be consumed. Playing victim, blaming others, feigning innocence. Saying you had no clue. When in reality, you’ve known all along.

You always know what a man’s real intentions are. You just pretend that you don’t. Because you, too, have your own.

photo: http://www.kimberlycoles.com

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When the Mountains Turn Blue…It Doesn’t Really Matter Because Nobody Cares

Alright, I just had 6 slices of  pizza, a plate of spaghetti, fried chicken and a cold bottle of Coors.

(I really like the cold-activated bottle thing.

When the mountains turn blue, it’s as cold as the rockies.

So cool.)

Seriously, I could die and go straight to heaven right now.

Oh, right I don’t believe in that.

Okay, so I’d just probably die really happy.

Or maybe not.

I read somewhere that binge eating is a sign of depression.

Waitaminute. Could this be depression? Well, yeah sure, perhaps if it’s just about my constant crazy cravings, it really can’t all be that impossible.

Am I depressed? Am I depr–?

But depressed about what?

*shrug* Hah, who cares anyway.

Right, whatever.

Goodnight, world.

Nov 11

Hey. How’s it going?

Funny that I start my entry like that, as if somebody else aside from me actually bothers to visit this blog. Well, if you actually are reading this, you’re just probably either my psychotic ex or your name starts with an E. Hah, like me that much, eh?

I actually started this entry last night because I had something clever to say and then I fell asleep and when I woke up I realized I don’t remember it anymore. LOL.

Oh well.

Starting Again

Today I decided to get back to blogging. I know I’ve said that for like a hundred times already and I only always end up forgetting about it, but this time I really mean it. I’ll be doing this more often now.

Great. So where do I start. Hm. There are just way too many things running in my head right now I don’t even know where to begin.

Okay, perhaps I should start where it all starts—at home. Honestly, home doesn’t really feel like home anymore. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’ve been away for so long that it really literally stopped being a home to me. It’s been yeeeears since I first moved out for college and since then, every time I go back and visit, it wouldn’t even last for more than a couple of days. I only went home during semestral breaks and Christmas. On a few occasions, I didn’t even bother. And then there was the two years of complete isolation. That was while I worked and lived on my own in the city.

But even now that I’m able to go home as often as every two weeks, it still feels… I don’t know…different.  It’s just unfortunate how something that used to be your whole life could turn into something so strange and unfamiliar. I now feel like a stranger in my own home. No, I am a stranger, plain and simple. This just can’t be home. At least not anymore.

And my mother. Oh it just pains me how she’s always so serious and worried about everything! She’s practically killing herself by over anticipating and worrying about the worst things that could happen (but do not actually happen!) Every time I see her, the more I’m reminded of the kind of person I do NOT want to be like. But I love her to no end.

Then there’s also my grandmother. Oh, Lord help me. She’s well over ninety and still as strong as a horse. She has her own house but insists on staying with my mother. Well, she’s not really technically staying with her, but she comes to visit like everyday, so what difference does that make. Sometimes I feel sorry for her because I know she just wants company but sometimes she’s just too annoying with her pointless small talk.

Tomorrow I’d be leaving again. I don’t know when I’d be back. I bet not in a while.

Just Unloading

I’ve not been feeling very good about myself lately. I don’t know. I just feel like I’m such a big, big failure. Like I’m not gonna be any good in anything that I do. Ugh.
Oh, I know, there’s one thing. I am pretty good at telling people what to do and how to fix their lives. And most people around me think I have an answer to just about everything.
But that’s a whole load of crap.
Truth is, when it comes to my own life, I really don’t know where to start. Especially when I sit down and think and realize everything is just so w-r-o-n-g.

Oh, Gahd! Please!

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The Solid Mantika Emboli

This is all your fault Cristy. If it were not for your many complicated relationships, army of bad suitors, and now a huge secret passionate desire for Ron, who causes you diarrhea and temporary insanity, I would not have pondered so much on my own misfortunes and frustrations. But thank you for making me your walking/talking diary. It’s a lot of fun. Not only I have soo much to blackmail you with now, I also get to brutally honestly say yes, you do look like a porn star. This is for you. And for the ‘emo’ nights when you feel like you‘re just the unluckiest girl in the world. Read this and you’d realize that you’re not. There’s actually two of us.

I have not always been and not always am a ball-buster, you know. I was also once naive and have been ball-busted and in need of Liquid Sosa many times myself before. In fact sometimes it still happens. And when it does, all I could really do is say, “ANO YUN??”

This is The Solid Mantika Emboli, the antithesis of Guy Lines II. May even very well be the prelude.

An omnibus of wretched moments.

–

One day, for some mysterious reason, this guy suddenly acts all interested, pursues me like he means it, and then one day, not knowing I was just an earshot away he tells his friends,

“Hindi ko naman talaga sya gusto. Nainggit lang ako sa inyo kasi nililigawan nyo sya. Niligawan ko na rin.”

Is that right. Is that how it works with you guys? You go after whoever your friends are after just so you won’t be left out? Whatever happened to ‘bok, walang talo talo’? So it’s not really about competing for the girl’s attention, is it? It’s just all about competing against each other. It’s all about being the alpha male. Hmm.

Good thing I didn’t like him at all. But it was still like,

ANO YUN?

–

Guy comes up to me, introduces himself, shakes my hand, holds onto it for too long and looks at me with his signature puppy dog look. Very straight-out-of-the-oven cheesy. He follows me around wherever I go for weeks, then just when I was beginning to think he’s cute somebody tells me,

“Akala mo ba gusto ka talaga nya? Alam mo ba kung anong meron sa wallet nya? Listahan ng lahat ng babaeng isa-isa nyang liligawan at bbreak-in.”

Hah. So I was the first on his list? What could I have possibly done to deserve that?

ANO YUN?

–

Guy says he likes me, we go out, eat, hang out, talk, all the cutsie stuff. One day he goes,

“Pwede ba nating pag-usapan kung ano TAYO?”

And when I told him we really don’t have to go there yet, and that maybe we could just keep what we have without any commitment. Next day he disappears. Like he’d gone poof! Became Koko Crunch.

So tell me what happened. I mean, enlighten me. Did he walk away because I can’t commit myself? How about the real awesome friendship I thought we had, did it just go all away just like that? Isn’t it even a little baliktad? Aren’t the girls supposed to be the ones doing the relationship questions and the guys saying the less than desired answers? He’s a guy. He should have been fine with it. Besides, if he really liked me, wasn’t he supposed to stay and maybe just try harder? I mean, it’s not even like I totally dumped him, right? Is real, flat-out friendship really just a fantasy now?

So, ANO YUN?

–

Guy asks me out, we meet up, hang out, have dinner together, hang out some more, talk on the phone, text till the wee hours of the morning, he holds my hand, acts a little too boyfriend-y (and more), and even claims to love me. Chummy chummy status drags on for months and then one day, suddenly he’s with somebody else.

ANO YUN?

–

Guy always texts with a “Hi.”.

Politely, like what I do with everyone, whenever it’s possible I respond with a “Hi,back.” or “Hello”. Or sometimes he asks me how I am or what I’m doing or something. With that, anyone would assume he’s just trying to strike a casual chat, right? So of course I reply and sometimes I would ask him what’s up and he just wouldn’t reply at all! Always. He always does that. Everytime.

ANO YUN?

–

I was monkeying around with this guy friend one day saying all sorts of crazy stuff. Then his face suddenly turns serious and he says,

” Sorry, hindi kita type.”

Really, I was just kidding around! He wasn’t even my type either, but I thought we were friends enough that I could say anything without him interpreting it into something else.

ANO NAMAN YUN?

-

There’s this long time guy friend who at one point I really considered as my bestest guy friend (because really, I have no other guy friend other than him). We’ve gone through a lot of good and bad stuff. We’ve practically seen each other’s worst. With that he’s like the last person that I would be fancying about. But then one day, I don’t know why he started spreading nasty rumors about “us”. Totally fabricated stuff. I don’t understand.

So, ANO YUN?

–

There was this guy who, for the longest time, had been crushing on me. Or at least that’s what he tells my friends. Then one day he gathers up the courage to admit it and sings to me some mushy teen love song and all that shit. Then the following day he was chasing after another girl– who ironically everyone says, looks sort of like me.

So, ANO YUN?

–

Then there was this really stubborn and persistent one who would never give up on me even if I told him to just leave me alone. He tells me he’ll do anything and everything if I would jut give him a chance. So I actually stopped, listened and waited. And he did…well…nothing.

So, Ano YUN?

–

There was another guy who, also for the longest time, had been trying to tell me he likes me. Then after years of being in a haze, I finally considered giving him a chance. So one day, we agreed to meet up. Then just when I thought we got the green light, exactly two hours after we said goodbye, he had me traded in for some skinny bitch he just met.

Wow, ANO YUN?

–

See, Cristy? You are not alone! Smile! At least you look like a porn star!

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UPians Atheists?

Summer Vacation. May 3, 2009

Earlier this afternoon, as I was trying to kill time reading an old book, I couldn’t help but overhear the radio program my grandmother was listening to in the other room. She’s a little hard of hearing now so it’s turned up quite a bit and it’s just impossible to ignore. It’s one of those cursed instances when you’re just so desperately trying to shut something out, but the harder you try, just all the more it crawls under your skin. Like maybe even if I had cork in my ears, because I’m trying so hard to ignore it I’d still hear it. Don’t you just hate that feeling.

She was tuned in to a local AM station and two female announcers were discussing something about religion. It’s one of those ridiculous shows. Judging the way they talked, they seemed more like fanatics of religion rather than real religious people. You should know those are two very different things. But after about ten minutes of “listening” I realized they can’t even be fanatics as they didn’t even know what they’re talking about. You know how people take passages from the bible and try to explain them in their own words but often they just end up screwing the real essence rather than delivering it to the listener? That’s what they’re doing. And I would have just ignored them as they aren’t exactly the only ones to commit that mistake, had they not started talking about religion AND UP.

It started when one of them quoted a supposedly famous person saying how UP taught him of a religion without god. The lady anchors, taking it literally and out of context they started berating the UP academe and how it encourages its students to be atheists. They accused UP of  being biased as it allegedly only teaches science—the theories of Big Bang and Evolution and stuff—to explain the existence of the universe and man. One of the ladies even said in such an overly confident tone that man couldn’t possibly have descended from animals because man’s DNA is completely different from an animal’s. Like DUH??!!

And though explaining and/or defending UP would be futile as it would only be a battle comparable to describing to a blind person how the sky looks different at night than in the morning, I decided to do it anyway. I just really feel the need to point some things out regarding their ill-conception of the university and its people.

To begin with, I am not a religious person. However, I was born a Roman Catholic, and though I am no longer practicing it, I personally do not have anything against it either. I was even practically raised by nuns in a private Catholic School, which obviously didn’t help much with my choices later in life. I just think it’s enough that I know what is there to know about Christianity and that I have learned what it is and what it is about. There is no need to be a slave of rituals. There is more to life than attending mass and saying the rosary. That has always been my belief even before I went to UP.

It is not true that UP teaches atheism to its students. Just like how they are not taught to be activists. (There is, by the way, absolutely nothing wrong with being an atheist. They just always say it like it’s a bad thing. It isn’t.) In UP people are merely taught or perhaps encouraged should be a more appropriate term, to THINK. Because it is when people start thinking that they realize what is wrong, what is right and what they want and from there they make choices. Being an activist is a choice. Being an atheist is a choice. Just as being religious is. It cannot be taught as it is but a consequence of a choice. It is a decision. And the great wonderful god, if there indeed such a thing exists and if he is everything like what we have always been told, should know that that is the  man he created: intelligent and with free will. And thus, deserves being given the freedom to choose.

UP is not all about science. One of its goals in fact, is to produce more well-rounded people walking the planet, which means students are trained not just to be mere scientists but to be good individuals with genuine understanding of who they really are.

UP is not against religion. In fact, masses are always held and attended here, be it to honor an old genius professor who passed away or to mourn for a student who died of hazing or committed suicide. Heheh. Kidding aside, UP, not known by many, houses some remarkable religious structures in its campuses. The St. Therese Chapel for one, was even designed by a national artist. UP also puts up the nicest life-sized Belen every Christmas-a very Catholic tradition. It also recognizes many religious student organizations.

Though it may come as a surprise, it is not in the Catholic School that I went to but in UP that I have met the most God-fearing and genuinely good people I have ever known, who I also respect dearly. See, though people in UP exercise a lot of freedom in thinking and speech, and though they, as intellectuals recognize the scientific bases of things and though they may not be of the religious-fanatic kind, it doesn’t make them atheists. It simply means they must be using to their maximum capacity whatever intelligence, talent and resources they have been given by their god. But most important of all, is that UP and its people know how to respect other people’s beliefs be it religious, political or personal. And never do they throw false and baseless accusations to people just because they disagree with what they have to say. I guess it’s what makes them true intellectuals.

Instead of feeling insulted by the radio hosts’ ridiculous statements, I felt pity for them. Poor daughters of Eve, obviously they did not go to UP. And with their level of thinking I bet they would not even qualify. And ladies, please, don’t start talking about DNA. Especially if you are not even sure how to spell it. And most especially, do not use that term just so you could sound smart to “disagree” with Charles Darwin following a statement accusing UP of promoting atheism like it’s a bad thing. That would only be an irrefutable proof of your poor or total lack of understanding of things. Besides, the differences in human and animal DNAs do not only agree but all the more support Darwin for the Theory of Evolution. Next time, spare yourself from digging a dead-end hole to your grave. Try coming up with a better argument, if you can actually do that, which I doubt. So I guess it would be best to just shut the eff up.

Lesson to learn: be responsible for what you say! Before you talk about something especially if it’s going to involve or be heard by other people, you have to make sure you know at least the most basic facts or if not at least don’t pretend to be a guru of some kind or you’d most likely end up just humiliating yourself.

Jai Ho

May 14

I went out to see some of my high school friends. Newsflash. They’re all either married, pregnant or both. Funny they actually seem happy. Which baffles me. Well, maybe they ARE happy. But I mean, come on. What’s the fun in that? That combo is like a one-way road to a dead end. Nothing but a slow, steady and guaranteed social suicide. Like watching the eternal spontaneous combustion of the self and its liberty.

Suddenly, I feel like I don’t belong anymore. And I am but left to wonder why I don’t feel even an ounce of envy. I mean, that’s what I’m supposed to feel, right? Or I should at least feel some pressure to walk towards that same path soon. Except that I don’t.

Please. I’m rather grateful that I am not even anywhere near close to considering it. There are just a lot of things still waiting for me, waiting to happen, waiting to be done. Which would be impossible if there’s all those other things in the picture. They’d just get in the way. Sheesh! Those adult stuff. Spare me. See, I’m pretty much still a mental adolescent. I still find sneaking and making out in the car exciting. They’re obviously way better than boring marital sex and changing diapers. Besides, I couldn’t even get myself to be in a real, serious relationship. How do you expect me to get into all those grown up business. I’m just way too selfish for that. In fact, I have never met a person as selfish as myself. I can only care about me that it’s impossible to even own a pet. Seriously, a cactus would die in my care.

But I like it this way for now. It’s actually one of those rare times when I’m more than glad not to belong.

A Thank You Note

As much as I want to regret your being part of my life, I couldn’t. That would be unfair to you. All the things that have happened—the bad, the worse and the unpublishable—I cannot deny the fact that they have all turned me into a much better person. Better than I could have ever expected.

If it were not for you I would not have realized sooner how loose a cannon ball I was turning into. A realization that made me stop before I completely self-destruct and destroy everything around me. Except maybe you. You were already a walking disaster from the start. I couldn’t possibly have done worse.

If it were not for you I would not have realized that life with someone like you was not the life I wanted to live. Which made me re-calibrate my standards. Now I have a clearer picture of what I really want. And it doesn’t include someone even remotely close to you. I have sort of developed an antibody for your kind. I got enough to last me seven lifetimes.

If it were not for you I would not have wanted to have a change of scenery, thus bringing me to where I am now. The best thing that has ever happened to me in ten years. Seriously. If you haven’t chased me out of that dark tunnel, which seemed like home sweet home to me then, I would not have found the exit and discovered there’s such thing as outside, where I actually belong.

If it were not for you I would not have a better appreciation of how good life is without you. Which I realized, I want to keep that way. Like a parasite you clung to me and always drained me half-full. With you out of my system, I felt relieved and whole again. I bled for a while but it was nothing compared to what you could have done if I allowed you to hang on a day longer. You would have killed me eventually.

Without you, I wouldn’t have wanted to get my ass up and leave, which consequently led me to doing something ultimately better. You never failed to make me feel so…cheap. I guess because simply being with you is. And in my desire to prove myself I could do better than that, I DID better than that.

Truly, I can’t thank you enough. Nobody else could have done a better job.

Are you?

Just a random blast of neurons:

There was this guy earlier who kept pacing outside the room. He was wearing a blue shirt that says at the back, Are We Really Thinking?

Then I remember a popular shirt in elbi that says: I Think, Therefore, I am from UP, an offshoot of Rene Descartes’ famous quote.

I smiled.

Kathy Lieza Manila

Vicky Cristina Barcelona. For some reason it reminds me of Kathy. She could be Vicky and I’d be Cristina. I don’t know if it’s just the really strong coffee that I just had but this is actually the only movie without car chases and flying bullets that has kept my heart rate up all throughout. I love it, what can I say. And it’s really rare that I appreciate movies of this genre. This one is raw, liberated, artistic and quite very honest, capturing a lot of things that are really hard, if not impossible to put in words. About love, life and the little details in betweeen that make it all complicated.

“…I love him…but I’m not in love…”

Almost A Birthday Wish Come True

I spent my birthday with Michael, how about that. I counted down to it with him right there with me and didn’t sleep till morning. I wanted to make up for all the lost time. Man, that was like months and months and months of not seeing him. But all that time of holding up and waiting is finally over. And it’s totally worth every minute of it. My bed is just soaked up in drool.
Screw the knight in shining armor and his stupid white horse. I don’t want to be whisked away into the sunset, off to a castle in a land far,far away.
I want an engineer-slash-convict in a car napped vehicle, who has a knack for breaking in and out of maximum security buildings. He shouldn’t have a problem getting me out of my padded cell.

Lisabella

Where I live right now is a place where the Cullen’s should build a village or something. Seriously, they should be here.

The sky hasn’t cleared since I arrived, which was like five days ago already. It’s been dark skies and rain all week and even when things lightened up a little bit, there would still be clouds, thick blanket-like clouds covering the sun. It’s so windy, wet and cold. I practically live in my jacket now.

It’s depressing. I’m starting to look anemic. If this won’t stop it won’t be very long before I start pouncing on people.

 

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Tower, Please

Beer. A lot of beer. That, man, is what I badly need right now. I just wish to drown myself in the magnificent golden liquid and just forget about this cruel world.

One of the hardest things to do in this world is to expect. Even harder is when you expect for something because it was offered and you got promised and it’s not even because you asked for it.

One day you were there just doing your own thing then somebody proposes with a very attractive deal that’s quite hard to pass up on that you actually considered went all out for it, sacrificing a few good things you already have yourself, thinking it would be for the best anyway. Then later when you’re all psyched up and good to go, you get a feeling that you’re not really going to get what you bargained for. Suddenly you feel like you were duped. Just when you think everything’s all set you find yourself practically back on the negotiation table. Which also means: there goes everything down the drain. You start talking to yourself and say you should never have fallen for it in the first place. But how can you not? And what happens now that it’s too late to go back and too hopeless to move forward?

Beer. A lot of beer.

Flat Out

Who ever said life is a wheel, I couldn’t agree more with. And I wouldn’t have all the conviction if I haven’t been there. Down, up, over and under. Rolling up, rolling down, rolling forward and further.

But right now I’m just at a time when I seem to be at the bottom and it just got flat. Everything is getting heavier and heavier by the second. I am sinking fast in a rut and I have a feeling that this one’s not gonna be easy to come out of.

This is so unfair. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but things are just falling into all except the right places. Everything is just so WRONG. It’s mind altering crazy.

Spilling it out won’t even help because I know for sure nobody’s going to understand. Hah. Like what I’m doing right now is any more understandable to anybody. But who cares.

I feel like crying buckets. But I can’t possibly do that. See, the wheel’s gone flat. It means it’s gotta have a hole or something somewhere and if I start crying my tears would start seeping in and I’d drown in it. I don’t want to die by drowning. Especially in my own tears. That would be ugly. And gross. Right, there are better ways to die. But whatever those are, though I’m real down today, I don’t intend to pick one just yet.

I guess I’d just have to simply let nature take its course and wait until it fixes itself up and starts rolling again. Just like how it always does.

I Tried Not To Ramble But Was Unsuccessful

I’ve been stuck in this freaking apartment for four days straight now. I honestly think I’m starting to hear the walls talk.

The family in the flat adjacent to ours, who also happens to own the rest of the residential compound, suddenly decided to do a major renovation to their space. Unfortunately we’re sharing a common wall in the dirty kitchen so it had to be completely torn down and reconstructed. We were told everything would be done in two days. It was just a small portion of the apartment so it didn’t seem like a problem at first. But it’s been like what, over a month now and I haven’t seen much of a progress except for some barely useable, hardly recognizable “foundation” for the new sink. Prior to that hideous concrete wall being plastered on there, we had to live with a temporary wooden wall and a makeshift sink for several weeks, which makes this whole shit wa-a-aay more than a month long now actually.

I hate this. Sand is just everywhere! I’m practically breathing dust as I type. Not to mention it’s also excruciatingly noisy during the day because of all the hammering and god knows what else they’re doing out there. Of course it’s impossible for me to leave because the construction people need access to the premises. But I have to put up with it because I just want all this to be over and done with as soon as possible.

It’s just unbelievable that today I sat and waited the whole day, yes the ENTIRE fucking day (I even left the doors open wide so they won’t have to knock in case I doze off ) only to find out that they didn’t even intend to as much as take a look. This whole thing is sending me over to the edge. I’m no longer even sure if this is dust or it’s in fact, smoke coming out of my nose and ears as I may be very well on fire right now. I am just so frustrated.

One more day spent in this freakin’ shit hole and I’m really ready to bite somebody’s head off.

Stardust

“ I was once told that love, like grief eventually fades. And when it does, it is replaced by something more exciting. And what could be more exciting than love? I don’t know. I honestly don’t. But there has got to be something. I just don’t know it yet.”

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Guy Lines II: The Liquid Sosa Collection

This is a sequel to my blog entry, Guy Lines, which is a collection of banat-like lines that guys have, believe it or not, actually used with me. This time however, it’s going to be my lines against theirs.

These are very true and actual conversations. Some from a long time ago (way before all those hirit texts became a favorite for spamming) while some are so very fresh from just last week.

What, you think only they can do that? Watch me.

 

Guy: Pwede ba kitang dalawin?

Me: Ba’t ka dadalaw. Hindi pa naman ako patay. Isa pa, wala rin akong sakit.

 

Wasaaakk!

————————————————–

Guy: Anung number mo?

Me: Bakit, loloadan mo?

 

Naman.

————————————————–

Guy: Labas tayo.

Me: Bakit.

Guy: Wala lang. Get together lang.

Me: Ang nagget-together, yung mga close friends. Close ba tayo?

Guy: Hindi yon…labas lang tayo.

Me:  Game. Lalabas nako. Labas ka na rin. Ayan nasa labas na tayo. Mainet! Tara pasok na tayo uli.

 

Ampffft!

————————————————–

Guy: …kaya pala basta mo na lang ako iniwan.

Me: Excuse me. Wala akong iniiwan. Baka mabagal ka lang. Kung hindi ka makahabol, hindi ko na prublema yon.

 

Woooh! Yea!

————————————————–

Guy: Sine tayo! Sige na, samahan moko.

Me: Bakit, wala ka bang friends?

 

Ayusin kasi.

————————————————–

Sa gimik: chat…chat…

Guy: so…ilang taon ka na?

Me: Ah, marami na.

Guy: A..a-ako rin e…

 

Napaisip tuloy.

————————————————–

Guy: …I hope to see you soon.

Me: You hope.

Guy: Yes I do hope to see you again.

Me: Hope. Hope was all that’s left in the box after all the demons were let loose. Hope is overrated.

 

Ayun hanggang ngayon baka nagho-hope pa rin.

————————————————–

Guy: Anung birthday mo?

Me: Bakit, magreregalo ka?

 

Sports car! Yung red!

————————————————–

Me: Anung nangyare sayo, bat ganyan itsura mo?

Guy: Wala kasi akong gf. Walang nag aalaga saken.

Me: Gf? Hindi gf ang kailangan mo. Yaya.

 

O caregiver kaya…?

————————————————–

Guy: May landline ka?

Me: Meron na e. Ahente ka?

 

Wireless? Wireless itu?

————————————————–

Guy: San tayo?

Me: Tayo? Walang tayo.

 

Joke joke

————————————————–

Me: What’s for breakfast?

Guy: I’m making pancakes.

Me: I love pancakes with lots of butter and syrup on it.

Guy: Sounds good.

Me: Will you be my pancake?

 

ooooha. ooooha.Syrupan na!

————————————————–

Guy: Kamusta. Anung balita?

Me: Wala. Gusto mo gawa tayo ng nagbabagang balita.

 

Breaking News!

————————————————–

Guy: Gusto mo ng cake?

Me: Nagbebenta ka na rin ba ngayon? Pati cake?

 

Totoink totoink!

————————————————–

Guy: Paramdam ka naman!

Me: Bakit, wala ka bang maramdaman?

 

Anaesthetized???

————————————————–

Me: I know the goal of us being friends have been set but sometimes you still manage to make things hazy. You’re over reacting and you don’t have the right. So why don’t we just exercise the lack of rights. Maybe it would help draw the line and set the boundaries of this relationship.

Guy: Relationship? Diba we’re just friends. Bakit ganyan ang sinasabi  mo?

Me: Relationship as friends! You know…like mother-daughter relationship? Father-son relationship? Hello?

 

Duuuuhhh????Dapat kasi pala tagalog na lang.

————————————————–

Guy: San ka nakatira?

Me: Sa bahay. Ikaw, sa bahay ka rin nakatira diba? Pareho tayo.

 

Housemate?

————————————————–

Guy: I know…I’m sorry…(for being stupid)…yaddah..yaddah..yaddah…

Me: It’s okay, don’t say sorry because that’s you. You don’t say sorry for who you are.

 

(…stupid!)

————————————————–

similar scenario, different person:

Guy: (saying sorry for saying something stupid) yaddah..yaddah..yaddah…

Me: No, it’s okay, it actually just shows what’s really going on in your head. And maybe that’s just what you really are…

 

(….no good!)

————————————————–

Guy: Tulog ka na?

Me: Nope.

Guy: Ah. onga pala, nocturnal ka nga pala. Anung ginagawa mo?

Me: E di kung anong ginagawa ng mga nocturnal.

 

Dapat kasi natutulog nalang.

————————————————–

(Take note: Guy is NOT a bf. Not even anywhere near being one.)

Guy: Bat ang sungit mo? Eto naman, naglalambing lang e.

Me: Maglambing ka sa dingding. Ano ka pusa?

 

Ayan, kase…

yoko pa naman ng pusa.

————————————————–

And the last but not the least, is my favorite winning line: (it’s actually not mine but my friend Fides’ )

Guy: Nahuhulog na yata ako sayo…

Fides: Ah ganumba. Sorry ha, hindi kita masasalo.

 

Laglag ka boi!!

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That Mysterious Kzzzt!

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder, could mental telepathy actually be real?

Some nights ago, for some unknown reason, with like a sudden jolt of electricity that hit me, I remembered a friend from way back in college and I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. We haven’t seen each other for some time now and we haven’t talked either. The only line of communication I have with him now is through SMS. We practically just send forwarded messages to each other, which very rarely even happens.

The entire night I was only thinking about him. It’s like involuntary! I really don’t know why because before I had that mysterious kzzzt there was totally nothing, and I mean nothing I’ve seen or heard that might have reminded me of him. It was like literally coming out of nowhere. It’s crazy. I fell asleep with him in my head.

The next morning, when I picked up my phone and checked my messages there was one from him. Wow, after months of no messages at all. There he was, making felt of his presence. Was it coincidence or did he have the same jolt of mysterious electricity run through him the night before?

The following night I got another forwarded message from him. I know, it’s just another forwarded message. Everything from him is just another forwarded message. But why did it happen at such a time when all the weird things are going on in my head because I couldn’t figure out why he suddenly invades my thoughts.

I just wonder. Was he thinking of me the night I suddenly remembered him? Or did my thinking of him made him think of me in return making him send me a message the next morning? Did I make him think of me or was it actually the other way around? Wait, so then who was really thinking of who first? Sheesh! I can’t believe I’m actually dissecting all this. Don’t blame me. This is actually not the first time. In fact it always happens. Some time ago, I also happened to have blogged another similar incident. (Read it)

It’s like when I think hard about someone, there’s like an almost immediate response from that person even though I was just thinking and not even doing anything! It’s like hey, I was just thinking of this person and he suddenly sends a message or something that sometimes I say to myself, am I thinking aloud again? But even if I were, nobody is still supposed to know, right? So that’s what drives my paranoia. I’d be like, how did he know? Was I in some way unconsciously sending out a telepathic message to him? Are my thoughts actually affecting his? Jeez. I know I sound like a nutcase. But sometimes it does give me the creeps. Especially when I’m talking about people that I have not seen or talked to in a long time. And then they’re just suddenly there. Because I thought about them.

Am I some kind of psychic or what?

I swear I would not…no…never, ever even DARE think about dead people from now on.

Touching down

I’ve just finished watching Any Given Sunday. I got the original DVD copy as a freebie when I got this laptop. I never really paid attention to it until tonight. See, that’s what happens when you have nothing better to do—you rummage through your stuff until you find something interesting enough to kill your time with. And since this is an entertainment laptop right here, I thought what the hell, let me pop in that disc and let’s see what this guy can actually do. And I wasn’t disappointed. The resolution was awesome, the video ran smoothly and continuously without skips or anything like that (man, this is a serious machine) and the audio was pretty good for a built-in.

Now let me get back to talking about the movie. It’s just a little bit odd because it’s a hard core sports movie and I am not into anything sports at all. Trust me, I know nothing, nada, about sports. So it’s a real surprise that I actually finished it and liked it even.

I honestly couldn’t care less about what was going on with the games in the movie. I understood not one bit of it. But what kept me from ejecting the disc and folding the screen over was because more than being a movie about sports it’s also a movie about life in general. Only it speaks in the language of sports, football to be exact.

It shows how on any given day, we all have our own little demons inside of us that we are at war with.  That in order to survive, we have to be strong enough to stand side by side with all the others who are fighting almost the same battles, in faith that we could gather some strength from them, one way or another.

That life is in essence a game. We all have to be a team player to win because if not we are all going to lose, alone as individuals.

And that though we got different demons or challenges or fights or whatever you want to call them, at the end of the day, what matters most is that you stick with what you believe in because that’s what makes you the person that you are. However, doors to changes and new things to be learned should never be closed. And it’s never too late to start anew.

And that despite all the chaos of everyday living and of life as a whole,  as long as we play fair, if we may die out there in the field bleeding, with all the broken bones, exhausted,  it could only be a victorious death. Because that’s what life is about. Putting up a hell of a fight and giving it all until the very end.

Life is one big football game. I don’t quite understand it. In fact I don’t understand it at all. But I certainly know that just like with pretty much every thing else, the goal is to win.

Not just on any given Sunday but on any given Day, you may win or you may lose. The question is, will you do it like a man?

Wicked Weekend

Last night was crazy. It was a wicked weekend with my sisters. It’s been a while since I had that much fun. I had a really grand time.

After toasting ourselves under the sun and a quick change, we were up for the beach party scene. We went from one bar to another, talked and laughed like there’s no tomorrow, met some guys who bought us drinks, danced like hell (and I mean hell) and then ran away home (literally). Haha.

The funny part that night was when a bunch of guys joined us and the one who sat next to me introduced himself as… Paul. As soon as he said his name, we girls looked at each other and we just couldn’t help but laugh. He was like, why, what’s wrong with my name? I said oh, nothing, it’s a nice name, we like it. And my sisters were looking at me and they’re like, Paul nanaman? Your’e such a P-magnet. Haha.

So we were just there talking and laughing and this Paul guy invited me for a walk by the beach. I didn’t like the idea because it was too dark there, he’s a total stranger, and I know he’s real cute and all that and I just know exactly what it would lead to so…no. I’m not up for that kind of fun. So I suggested maybe we could just take over the dance floor. So we did. Soon more and more people started joining us. It was so crazy that one of the bar attendants got concerned. He asked me if I actually know the guy I was dancing so wildly with and I said no, but I know what I was doing. I told him not to worry. He said he’ll be keeping an eye on me just in case, which I really appreciate. But it’s not like we’re out of control or anything like that. We were just really having a good time. It was insane.

Because of the drinks, (we probably had 3 or 4 pitchers) the three of us were just whaack!!! but we swore to stay together so nothing bad happens to any one of us. I don’t remember exactly what happened after that but I do remember the three of us running away and hiding from the guys because we didn’t want to spend the rest of the night with them.

As soon as we got back to our place, we were in coma. Or at least both of them were. I still had to puke all over the place. There was orange puke on the side of the bed, on the floor and on the door.

It was craa-zy! And gross.

Banana Pancakes

I wish one day, someone would sing me Banana Pancakes. I love how it sounds and what it’s actually saying. I am not a fan of going out when it’s raining so when I heard this song I just realized it would be nice to hear it from someone who would actually mean the words.

It’s like finding someone who knows exactly what I want. And does it. Says it. Cooks it. Sings it. And means it.

Whee! Today is mush day. This is so not me.

Banana Pancakes – Jack Jonson
More at MP3-Codes.com

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Pinnocchioville

I’m just tired of insincere people. It’s always the same. They will say one thing and then do another. Believe them and you’ll look like a fool. Ignore them and they’ll make you feel like you’re the most uncaring tightass in the world. While being there without actually taking them seriously would make you go, what’s the point? Jeez.

Moon moment

The moon looks exceptionally beautiful tonight. Maybe because it’s full. And with the summer sky behind it, it couldn’t get any more wonderful. I have always loved the sight of the moon. I could stare at it for hours at a time without getting tired at all, full or otherwise. It’s just amazing. It digs a lot of memories I keep treasured at the back of my head. Places, people, feelings and phases of my life I’ve spent under it. It’s overwhelming. I can’t explain.

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Holding Back

Often, holding back and later on being proven that it’s a wise decision consoles you with the idea that you just saved yourself from being hurt big time.

The sad part about it is that at one point you actually considered not holding back and now you realize that either way it hurts all the same anyway.

–Lisape,emo mode

Yesterday’s Haunting

I just might be being haunted by Time that came and went unnoticed. I feel it’s   trying to make me relive some moments for my pondering.

I can’t sleep. For the past few days I’ve felt my body clock slowly returning to normal. I’ve been sleeping early and I’ve been waking up in time for breakfast like what a normal human being is supposed to do. In fact I’ve been sleeping earlier and earlier by the day. And then suddenly without warning,  THIS!

Just when I thought I was cured my own system betrays me.

It’s not just a haunting. I’m being possessed.

Issues

I know. I have self-control issues. See, uncontrollable sugar loading making me hyperactive and insomniac is one thing but impulsive shopping for junk food making me dye my own hair is another.

Earlier, I went out to have my hair done. I was thinking of cutting it really short or doing something really different. Instead I found myself at the mall, in the supermarket loading a cart with chips, pretzels, ice cream and whatever I could have my hands on. I don’t know what I was thinking. Or maybe I was not even thinking at all. I don’t understand. But I couldn’t help it. When I reached the cashier, I was like OMG did I just get myself over a thousand bucks worth of nothing really?? And I wasn’t even hungry. It’s sick.

I never got to the salon. Not with four bags of groceries and two tubs of ice cream melting.
I ended up just dying my own hair at home. Good thing it turned out fine. But that’s not the point. I really need to teach myself to be a little bit more in control when it comes to stuff like this. Or better yet to stay away from shopping carts.
But it’s not all that bad. I had a delicious discovery from today’s crazy detour. Durian ice cream! It is sooooooo surprisingly, unbelievably yummy! I got it just out of pure curiosity and I must say it’s curiosity well-rewarded. It’s totally worth it. It is so my new favorite ice cream flavor.
Oh but I still hate myself for my impulsiveness.

Hot and Cold

Change. Change. Change. Everything seems to change too often, too fast that I’m not sure if I could still catch up.
The ugly cruel world aside, going even just inside (just inside) my pretty little brittle skull, thoughts are just always changing every minute jumping from one idea to another, saying yes then no and then maybe, why not. It’s dizzying.
Decisions, decisions, decisions. Why do we have to decide on so much things? It’s not always fun.

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Guy Lines

Actual lines delivered by real-life Romeos, almost Romeos and Romeo-wannabes as experienced first-hand by yours truly, ranging from the creepiest and dumbest to the mushiest and funniest. They are however not arranged in order. You be the judge which is which. And here you go:

(On a date, after a kiss)

Me: Anong iniisip mo?

Guy: Wala. Rainbows. Rainbows and butterflies.

Ganon? Gabing gabi rainbows?

———-

Me: Oy! Kamusta? Namiss kita ah!

Guy: Ow? Pwede ba yon, e hindi ka naman nakakaramdam.

Mainet ulo? Bitter?

———

Guy: I don’t know what’s wrong with you. You seem so perfect…for me, ha.

Ah, no I’m not perfect and I’m not for you either.

———

Me: Bakit ako? Ano bang ginawa ko sayo? Wala nga ata akong magandang ginawa sayo e…?

Guy: Hindi ko alam. Yun nga e. Hindi ko rin alam. Haayy…Lisape, anu bang meron ka?

Ibalik ba saken ang tanong?

———-

(same question, same person)

Me: Bakit ako? Ano bang ginawa ko sayo? Wala nga ata akong magandang ginawa sayo e…?

Guy: Pinapasaya mo ako. I become my best when I’m with you.

Yun. Chak yon.

———

(same question, similar scenario, different person)

Me: Bakit ako? Ano bang ginawa ko sayo? Wala nga ata akong magandang ginawa sayo e…?

Guy: Yun din ang pinagtataka ko. Dahil lahat ng ayoko sa babae nasayo.

O, yun naman pala e.

———

Guy: Anu ba? ba’t mo bako ginaganito? Nasisira na ang ulo ko sayo! Literal! Eto ba? Eto ba gusto mo? Natutuwa ka ba na may nasisiraan ng ulo dahil sayo? Please naman, wag mo namang gawin sakin to. Bakit ba, dahil ba wala akong karapatan sayo? Dahil wala akong karapatan??!  Yun ba yon?

Me: Oo.

Taray! Pang FAMAS ang acting!

———-

Me: You are so… dead!

Guy: You are so… gorgeous!

Wala nang maisep. May masabi lang o.

———-

Guy: Bakit ba ayaw mo saken? Siguro kapag nabuntis kita matututunan mo rin akong mahalin.

WTF???!!

———

Me: I love you. (NOT sober, NOT serious)

Guy: I love you din. matagal na. Dati pa kita gusto. Ikaw lang kasi…

Uh, oh. Oooops!

———-

Me: So this is what it’s all about, huh? Is it just about the sex? Is that it?

Guy: No, it’s not even like that. I like you. I want to help you…

Huh?! Help? What help? Mukha ba akong kawawa?

———-

Guy: May aaminin ako. Nakakahiya e. Naalala mo yung mga hinihiram ko sayong mga VCD dati? Hindi ko naman talaga pinapanood yung iba dun. Meron naman kasi ako. Kaya natatambak lang sa bahay. Para lang may dahilan na makausap kita at makapunta sa inyo.

Woa. Weird, huh.

———-

Guy: Would you accept a Chinese guy in your life?

Woa.woa.woa. What the–??

———-

Me: Ba’t ba ang kulit kulit mo?

Guy: Eh, kahit sinong lalake naman ang ilagay mo sa lugar ko, sino ba namang hindi…

Me: Pwede namang hinde!

Guy: Pwede namang oo!

Aba’t sumasagot pa?!

———-

Guy: Kasi ikaw, ba’t ka nagpagupit? Nakakainis. Ikaw nalang kasi dapat ang date ko. Sige na ikaw na lang ang date ko! Pumayag mka na. Ibibili kita ng wig!

Ganooooon?? Maghanap ka ng date mo!

———-

Guy: Mapapasakin ka rin. Sakin ka rin babagsak makikita mo.

Ay, confident?

———-

Guy: Diba sabi mo it could have been any one? E di ibig sabihin it could have been me?

Wow, lakas ng fighting spirit! Sige lang.

———-

Guy: Sabihin mo lang. Kahit ngayon na ngayon na iiwan ko ang girlfriend ko para sayo. Sabi ko sayo handa na akong iwan ang lahat. Ang tanong lang iiwan ko ba ang lahat para sa taong walang pakialam?

Aba’y ewan ko sayo!

———-

Guy: Anung cup size mo? Bibigyan kita ng bra, promise. Sige na! wag ka nang mahiya.

Woah. Sana lang hindi ito ang first time nating magkikita after twelve years!

———-

Diba sabi mo magbabago ka na? Magpapakatino ka na? Kaya sana if you would give me a chance, I would like to have something special with you. A serious relationship. Sana lang naman. Pero kung hindi, at least I tried diba. Pero shempre…sana…

Wow, bilis kumambyo. Make up your mind dude. Abante ba o atras? Pero baka nga yung kambyo talaga ang kausap nya?

———-

Guy: I’m in love with your mind!

Yeah, so talk to my mind.

———-

Guy: Wag mo naman akong iwan please? Wag ka namang lumayo. Wag ka dun sa hindi na kita pwedeng maabot.

Hng? anu ka sinuswerte?

———-

Me: Kilala mo pala ko?

Guy: Oo naman, yang ganda mong yan hindi ko mapansin?

Me: –

Guy: Naging classmate ba kita?

Aahh.. sa ganda kong to pala ha?

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